reflections
September 6th, 2013 Heart of the Moment


The blog started because I had something to say. It began as a dumping ground for all of my pent up frustrations, thoughts and theories. Some of these blogs were full of them. And some just musings of my observations in life but they all have something in common aside from documenting my experiences with horses.
It’s uncommon perhaps to have such a central focus in one’s life. I have always known mine. Horses. No matter what horses have been a constant even when I’ve been so hurried as to only spend moments with them during the day. They are there, solid, and in my dreams too.
Crockett, my little mischievous mustang, the one I laid my reputation on the line for when I scratched him on the third and final day of the Extreme Mustang Makeover. His back was so sore from the excessive riding he would blanche at just several pounds of pressure upon his spine. His spirit so soft and vulnerable, I couldn’t bring myself to ride the begeesus out of him for any amount of money. He’s rewarded me by coming to me in my dreams, a messenger and encourager. My lifelong friend. Just last week he made a point to camp near me despite the fact the other horses were eating treats of bread I’d spread for them. A kind of peace offering for the fact the pigs, chickens, geese and cows all get grain on a daily basis. Not the horses. They have pasture and are fat on it and do not need the extra grain. But they still wish for equal treatment. Crockett camped with his head buried in my back. I turned to scratch his head and he moved with me, keeping contact with me, gently. He often touches me first with his muzzle but this time he just stood with his head rested into my body.
Curious, I thought. But not so uncommon. He is playful and mischievous, except when he has something to share. He once told a communicator I was never to give up on my mission to share my insights, something that has been challenged of late with this serious run in I’ve had with Adrenal fatigue. A condition brought on by too many long hours, not enough rest or water. I’ve been put on the mat before but not quite like this. It’s required a whole new level of awareness and discipline and one that’s compromised my interaction with horses this summer. A fact I have complained about loudly in my thoughts.
Crockett must have known this for I clearly felt his consideration and comfort of me. It was enough to move me to tears.
You see, he is one of the more animated treat lovers and he loves all treats. Bread is one of his favorites. This is why I found it incredibly conspicuous that he decided to let all of the other horses eat while he rested his head into my body.
The other day I pulled him out to trim him and he was a perfect and absolute gentlemen. He has those days but he dislikes being removed from the social aspect of the herd. He is in love with his social life and I indulge him. He gives me everything I ask of him, including immense pleasure both in the pasture during our frequent visits and while I ride him. He’s lived up to all expectations I’ve had of him and then some.
As I stood with Crockett pressed up against me his posture encouraged me to relax, feel the moment and be in it.
That’s been difficult as I work through a serious illness whilst planning my activities when I am 100%. There’s care to be done and I must manage my efforts wisely or the resulting ramifications can put me on my back with no warning.
It’s a new sensation and one I am not used to experiencing and type A, Taurus personality that I am, I have been an impatient patient. Giving one’s body the care, rest and nourishment it needs is not in my habits. I rather prefer running full tilt into the day and the exhausted tiredness I feel after fielding chores, riding horses, trimming horses and tossing hay all in one day. I can still do all of that but at half or less than half speed.
This is why I found it curious that as I was contemplating my next plans for my career and future that Crockett decided to pay me a visit and take a break from his usual routine of besting the other horses with his athleticism and wit. He stood quietly and as I moved off to finish watering the pigs, a chore I was doing impatiently because I would rather play with my horses than feed pigs, I realized I was not alone. Crockett kept his invasion of my body space going and followed me as I moved, again pressing his head into my back while I stood with the water cascading into the pig pen.
We stood like this for several minutes and I tested his intrusion. I moved. So did he. Several times. Each time he would press his head into me, standing quietly, passively and peacefully. So I decided to do this too.
We stood with one another, our breath matching one another. I was the first to move. Or rather, the first one forced to move. Aemelie in her big personality way wanted to come see what energy swap we had going on. She likes these moments and while it was different for Crockett to be in this state, it is not so much for Aemelie. We can read each others moods and enjoy moments like this almost daily. As Aemelie is the big boss mare of the herd, our interactions are rarely interrupted. Crockett is more the middle guy in the pack so he’s easily pushed off. This time he flattened his ears and to my astonishment, Aemelie walked past, seemingly ignoring the two of us only I knew she had changed her mind last minute and honored Crockett’s desire for our alone time. She granted his ability to send me this comforting message.
You see, the night before I’d had a very vivid dream. I was in full health and not taking for granted my gift of good health. In this dream I was traveling to do a clinic. When I arrived, I had shipped the horses ahead for my time there. It has always been my dream to bring my horses with me on my travels. In this dream I had especially wanted Crockett there. It so happened that prior to my arrival an evil spirited individual had turned Crockett out with the resident herd. This was potentially dangerous but more so, they taunted me that I wouldn’t be able to bring Crockett away from the other horses or catch him in their vast acreage. The vision was of a lodge set amongst snow capped mountains, expansive green pastures and fresh running water.
I laughed because I knew my little horse. There isn’t a pasture big enough to contain his love for me or mine for him and catching him in any size area is never a challenge. He catches me.
It’s true. I can ride Crockett into the great unknown and he will stay with me, happy in my presence. I love this about our relationship. He’s always connected, always a gentlemen, even though he has a wicked sense of humor.
In my dream I stepped off the porch of the cabin and in the distance I could see Crockett had settled himself pleasantly in the company of some brood mares.
Crockett loves to think he’s head honcho (even though in our herd he worships and emulates Mickey – the true valiant stallion of our herd). The host incorrectly assumed Crocketts new love interests would be too much for me to exorcise him back to me.
This was all in my dream. Some sort of training failure, a lapse in our harmonious relationship, a hole in my philosophies.
Not to be so. I whistled and Crockett promptly left his new family to come galloping up to me full speed only to halt before me and place his head into my chest for a long scratch and hello.
He held this pose in my dream. It was a confirmation that as I traverse the muddy waters of life and its challenges and unexpected developments that I should look to be in this place of my dreams. True to myself, doubting nothing about the purity of my world with horses, content in it if the only thing that is to be is the oneness of human and horse.
Now, in my own pasture, with Crockett amongst his herd and ignoring one of his true love interests (bread treats) he stood with his head sunk into my chest, just like in the dream. A reenactment that he HAD come to me in my dreams. I didn’t imagine it nor contrive with my mind an outcome I prefer.
I think he knew I’ve struggled this summer, a summer I expected much different things. Not a health set back or business challenges or…(fill in the blank). And yet it doesn’t matter. Its what’s in the heart of the moment that matters.

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