reflections
March 24th, 2011 DREAM ANALYSIS

So, you await my interpretation. I have thought long and hard about these dreams and the following one I had the next night. I haven’t had any dreams since, so I know these are very important.
Perhaps it is my fragile emotional state right now (I can still burst into tears at a moments notice…definitely unusual for me) but working this out really challenged me. I think because I have focused outward for so long that I am very uncomfortable focusing inward. But try I must because the Universe is demanding it. I know from years of practice that it is pointless to try and ignore these challenges. Intuition and knowing ones self brings you to that point of understanding sooner or later. Like the time I knew I should be the one to load a filly I had in training instead of my assistant but like an ass I ignored my inner warnings and allowed him to proceed when he insisted he could do it. I knew he couldn’t. He was impatient and lacked perspective. He took the horse into the trailer and was too abrupt with her. She panicked, split her head wide open and not only did I have to tell the owner we had hurt his horse but I had to pay for the vet bill too! This incident should have been my cue to listen to my gut instinct and then…yes, to dump this guy who eventually became my boyfriend who eventually caused me to allow him to waste several years of my life! Ouch!
OK, so learn from yours truly. In the herd of horses, I am the one with the bones of experience.
These dreams pricked my interest because I have not dreamed in years. That is the truth. After 30+ years of vivid dream and Déjà vu, all of a sudden, zip, nadda. Very unsettling for me. I am used to using dreams as a compass, a tool for my guidance.
Then, WHAM! Two dreams in quick succession. Dreams that rocked my inner core and made me feel very uncomfortable for several days. I really dislike that feeling…but then…I almost crave it since that feeling signals a process of growth in my life. It’s a sick process but somehow it always works for me.
After quite a bit of thought I think the boy in my dream represents my life’s work. It is important to me that I make a difference with my gifts and knowledge. I can’t explain it, but I feel indebted to every client, every horse and every situation that calls upon my expertise. It has been a huge barrier for me in some ways and very rewarding and beneficial in others. Sometimes I have been taken advantage of for my over-indulgence in my sense of duty but still, others have really valued that trait and come to rely upon it. My child is the birthing of this approach and it is in its infancy. It will reach maturing when it becomes an international way of practice but for now, I am still tending it and taking care of it. In many ways it is still outside of my control but I am watchful of it and trying to take a part in its development. It is separate from who I am in some ways. In my dream the boy did not belong to me but was the child belonging to someone else. I think this is fitting because I am not here on this earth to own my gifts selfishly. Those and the knowledge from them belong to you, my people. As a teacher I know that I must pass this on. The fact that my dream left off without me knowing if he lives or dies signifies that I need to be in attendance of my life’s goal. I should feel committed and indebted. I should worry but I should also be watchful and not let it die.
The second half of the dream where I walk over the hill and see a mob of people is representative of my desire to take my ideas and theories to others and have them learn. It isn’t enough to know them myself. Somehow I have to figure out a way to convey them to others so they might learn. This part of my ability has been a barrier for a long time. How do you duplicate this gift? It is easy if you are the type of trainer that can apply a recipe. But my gift is not conducive to this. Figuring out how to share this gift so others can practice it has been a huge part of my drive, motivation and career and one of the biggest pains in the butt you can imagine! This part of the dream signifies I will be successful in passing on that information…or at least some semblance of it.
In the dream I am overseeing a training program, demonstrations and have a “trusted” trainer that is supposed to be carrying through those ideas. This is something I have desired since I know it is going to be extremely difficult for me to reach masses of people individually. I want there to be some cohesive ideals represented through working with others….or do I?
The fact that this trainer has violated my trust and condoned abuse of my own personal horse in this dream signifies that I know I can’t trust anybody with my dream, passion and calling.
ShoGun is a horse I put my entire heart and soul into. The fact that I have sold him due to Kirk and I’s circumstances with losing my Mother cannot be ignored.
I think my dream embodies my fears….that in selling him he won’t be taken care of and plainly, dealing with the loss of selling a horse I am deeply bonded to.
I had no intention of selling ShoGun. But with these recent developments it has become clear that I needed to make a choice. I love my horses but I also believe they must have useful, purposeful lives.
I have a mare, Aemelie, that is bonded to me in ways I have yet to write about. It is an unearthly bond I share with her, so she becomes a priority for me. She desperately needs and wants my time. I am not able to spend time with her or any of the other 3 horses I have.
I am not a collector of horses. I believe that I must be open to paving the way for horses to be happy. That is a by-product of my gift. I don’t belong solely to them. As a teacher of others my time is in helping horses collectively enjoy their beings and vice versa. I must be open to loving them…and letting them go because my talent allows me to do so. Letting them go is the highest form of love. For both the horse and the people who get to enjoy them.
Horses deserve to have an owner, to be loved, to have purpose and have activities and experiences that keep them happy.
I am not there to do that with ShoGun and call it a hunch, I am not going to be. I am going to be far too busy to spend the time on my own it requires to love wholly more than one or two hroses.
My calling is to teach and be productive in helping others achieve and also, to bring about a shift in the paradigm of how people interact with their horses. If you are curious about this, order my book, The Mirror Effect. It goes into detail about this. I know without a shadow of a doubt that I am right about this.
I know that Aemelie is my soulmate, sister and helper in this. As much as I love ShoGun, my love has taken him to a place that he can now move forward. He is no longer wild. He is friendly, engaging and deserving of a single owners love back for him. He has the ability to adapt to a new environment and have a life that is far more than I can give him right now. As it was, it had been 8 months since I had ridden the boy! That’s simply not good enough for ShoGun. Too, I need to remember the original intent behind acquiring ShoGun. I trained him for the Extreme Mustang Makeover. He was supposed to find a new home. Getting him out of the BLM holding pens was the singular purpose of my mission with him. I just ended up falling in love with him and because I worked so hard to gain his trust and turn him into a horse anyone could love, I found it hard to think about selling him. But this is a selfish dream, not practical and unfair to him.
But still, the idea of selling him and seeing him abused was brought out in my dream and I think with more meaning than just the surface of the dream.
I have experienced the confusion of abuse, not knowing what you did wrong to provoke another’s wrath and the terror that comes from trying to find a solution, any solution to preserve yourself.
In my dream I was stong enough for ShoGun that I acted without fear.
That is symbolic of where I am today. I am confident about what I know and that I know it works and I am in control of my own situation. I can choose or not choose to work within a situation. In this one, I was in control, teaching still, even though it was to a character in my dream that supposedly was more credible than I, even it if was by my own definition.
I have never fit convention. I wear English full seat riding breeches, western spurs and a helmet when I ride. Definitely not trendy. But I wear what works and I am happy with my ability with the horse, the work I am able to turn out and don’t buy into fashion that stereotypically defines who we are. The fact that I am female should predicate that I would lean on this tool heavily to identify myself. I do not. The fact that I am not male indicates that I may have some “weaknesses” to overcome to be thought of with the same credibility a man has in the arena of horse training. Couple the fact that I am female with a different message and the fact that I train horses completely different than convention and the industry as a whole views that a weakness. Yet I view it as a strength. It just hasn’t been recognized as an adoptable concept yet, but it will. I am working on that and I know in my heart that my work speaks for itself. It just hasn’t gained notoriety or adoptability yet. But it will.
We all have this fantasy idea of the cowboy. Wrangler jeans, sun ripened skin, chaps, cowboy hat, scruffy stubble of a beard, wild rag and handy with a horse. If he looks the part, he must be the part, right?
This guy in my dream was all that. He had a horse that was helpful in his chasing ShoGun and he wielded a whip and had an objective about what was being taught to ShoGun and he had the help of my trainer friend. Two people acting in concert to right a wrong. That’s supportive of a group consensus. Symbolic of the nature we currently embrace regarding horses and training. Flawed for the most part as far as I am concerned and this part of the dream demonstrated that opinion.
I identified with ShoGun because in my horse career, I’ve been beaten up just like ShoGun was getting beaten up in my dream and many times I haven’t known why. All of this times hurt. Like ShoGun, I have been confused, yet hopeful of a different outcome. Also terrified because finding one’s own way can be frightening and intimidating. Love, or the promise of the same can remove all of that. This is reflected in ShoGun’s recognition of me and our immediate bonding to present a united strength that the conventional cowboy in my dream was not able to overcome. The power of that is palpable and comforting.
I have identified my strengths and my weaknesses and I know that I am strong in my ability to work horses. But my ideas aren’t mainstream. I fight with convention. But I have worked hard and proven myself. I have provided a structure from which to operate and I own what I know and what I know provides for my ability to lead the charge in defying convention. That is why the cowboy stood down. He wasn’t in charge. The dream took place on my ranch, under my authority.
That is why the young girl in my dream pops up. She represents my comfort zone. The people who are sensitive to the horse’s needs and know that it is possible to get cooperation through thought, intention and energy. She represents the new generation that are open to disbarring the old ways and ready to provide the horse with love and understanding. She is the innocence of this rebirth, a student ready to be taught about ways of honoring the horse that aren’t typical. By working ShoGun through the obstacles in my dream I was reinforcing that my security is in the unshakable bond both physically and spiritually that I obtain with a horse. It is other-earthly and its demonstration is by testimony its virtue. Which is why at the end of the dream I was able to dismiss my trainer friend because I know that what he was practicing wasn’t true. My way of saying F*** convention. I am in powerful enough to take this message to the masses, in front of the masses and know that I am right and that what I have to offer is valuable and true. That is why I wasn’t afraid to dismiss his services in front of a crowd of people supportive of the demonstration. I knew in my dream they did not know better but by stepping in to remove ShoGun, who was obviously distressed and running away in fear I had shown them that a different way is possible. I didn’t care about the taboo of interrupting the demonstration. I cared about the right and the wrong of the treatment of the horse. I removed the ego and replaced it with a confidence of what was right. And that is just like what I do on a daily basis. The message for me here is that I have to take this one step further (which is what I am working to do) and demonstrate publicly, the incredible, loving and otherworldly relationship that can be achieved when one loves a horse and is loved right back by the horse. I can’t wait to make that happen.

March 24th, 2011 Updates, thoughts and crayon scribbles

WHOA! I cannot believe that I am blogging on a regular basis. This might be a lengthy email so get comfortable. Does this mean that my life has taken on a form of balance I have not previously experienced? I think it does and thank you MOM! She always worried about me and the pace I kept. There have been so many positives after her passing it is scary. But if you knew my MOM you wouldn’t be surprised. I am not.
My MOM and I had a conversation several years ago where I told her about a story I had read about a girl and her Father. They had discussed the possibility of life after death and came up with a plan to prove it exists.
I had just given my MOM a pair of yogo sapphire earrings and let her know that I wanted her to wear and enjoy them and if she was so led, to will them to me so I could have something of hers to remember her by. It was my way of hanging on to her even though she was still here.
She loved the earrings and promised to wear them and I have them now. But that isn’t the whole story. We talked about the story I had read about the girl and her Father. The daughter made her Father promise to leave her a sign that he was still with her, if only as a spirit. They agreed and the Daughter reported that after his death he would leave her pennies in odd places. Places that were obvious to the Daughter he had been there.
Jokingly I told my MOM that if she passed before me, she had better leave me a whole lot more than a F****** penny!
My MOM had a great sense of humor. In fact in the Hospital as she was dying (and everyone knew that she was on her deathbed, Hospital staff included) we were all laughing so hard one of the nurses came in and said, “Now this is a first but I must ask you to quiet down.” She said with a smile. “The patients next door are complaining that you are disturbing the peace!”
That was so typical. Here my MOM was dying (and she knew it) and we were laughing so hard we were crying (and not from the fear of losing her but from the shear joy that she brought to us!).
So after my penny comment I looked at my MOM waiting for her reaction and she just had this mischievous look on her face. I had seen it before and I knew she had accepted my challenge.
Fast forward. I am sitting at my MOM’s side and she is obviously dying. She had been incoherent for some time and her breathing was labored. Folks, death is not a pretty thing. I will tell you that now and it’s THE most traumatic thing I’ve ever witnessed. I was crying too and I spent a good deal of those hours looking at the floor because I had my head in my hands. I had spent 5 days without sleep (4 or 5 hours total) at my Mother’s bedside so not only was I exhausted but I was at a point of grief that is excruciating.
I looked up when my MOMs breathing changed because I knew it was the end. After she passed I put my head down again sobbing uncontrollably…and guess what I saw.
A quarter was at the toe of my boot. I kid you not! Here I was crying and then laughing…AGAIN! And then crying. That part lasted and is still with me. I still have to heal.
I had a very good view of that floor and NO QUARTER was there prior to her passing.
There have been other signs too. My MOM knew I was a skeptic. She had a deep, undying, unquestioning faith. I have always been unrepentant in my sacrilegious mockings…so this hit me hard. I didn’t expect it. But my MOM was always quick with her knowledge of heaven and earth. Read my book. Her own near death experience shaped my childhood and now, it is shaping my adulthood.
My MOM made me promise to get back to writing. She did get to see my book in its rough form. Rough meaning I released it in PDF format, not paperback as I had hoped. Finances and the time frame I was working in kept me from doing that. Kirk’s brilliance brought it to life along with the graphic help of Michele Cole. My Mom didn’t care. She knew I would finish it and she always supported me blindly, just like her faith. She never questioned my success. She was my greatest fan and I desperately miss her support and encouragement. But she made me promise to keep writing and to finish my purpose here. The finishing of the book was up to me and over the past couple of years with life hitting Kirk and I hard and having to trudge our way through it, I never got around to it. I think I am just about there now. This time I have had in Idaho has opened up that opportunity and I am so grateful! It has been a wonderful gift from my MOM. She wanted me to (and so did he) take care of my Grandpa and that in itself has been soooo rewarding! He is urging me daily to write, write, write! An extension of my MOM that is different but similar too.
The final version is being reviewed by a select group of people and then it will go to its final edit, format and graphic metamorphasis. I am truly excited about these events. I am so glad to be getting past The Mirror Effect and already am working on several more books. One is a companion to The Mirror Effect. It is a vast subject so it will be an extension. The others are related subjects and I will reveal those when the timing is appropriate. These books have been cooped up inside of me for far too long!
Writing has always been therapeutic to me so it feels wonderful to let the words roll out onto the paper. Like a cleansing almost. The weird thing is that I can’t help but see that all of this has happened for a reason. While I am recovering from this terrible shock, my MOM has sent messages of encouragement that I just can’t miss. And not just to me but to Kirk too! My Grandpa has been such a wonderful inspiration to me and then there are the other things in life that happen where you know they are just meant to be. It’s unreal, but welcomed and once again, I am left in awe of all of the wonderful things the Universe has to offer us. Sorry, MOM, I still refer to it “the Universe”. She would say God.

March 22nd, 2011 From Crayons to the Bright Lights

Funny how fast life can move. Yesterday I was learning to write my dissertations in Crayon and now I learned that video footage of me walking ShoGun up the steps of the Department of the Interior in Washington DC has been included in the movie by filmmaker Mara LeGrand! Wilds Horses Winds of Change Film by Mara LeGrand How’s that for graduating, breaking the glass ceiling, moving on up the ladder of success?! I haven’t seen the movie yet but I will and I am excited. Last year I had the good fortune of meeting Amanda Lane and Michael Wren. Both are outstanding people and they have become a very important part of my life. Amanda is who I have to thank for submitting the material. THANK YOU AMANDA! This is very exciting and for more reasons than one. Amanda and her darling horse Bandit are also in the film. I can’t wait to see it.
In case you don’t know the whole story then here it is. Kirk and I traveled to Somersworth, NH to do a gentling demonstration for the BLM. While there we gentled 5 mustangs in 3 days and all 90 of the horses brought by the BLM to the mustang adoption went home with new adopters. This was the first time in BLM history this had happened and it just so happened that then BLM director, Henry Bisson and Department of the Interior Secretary Don Glenn were at Somersworth. They liked what I was able to do with the mustangs and invited Kirk and I out to dinner. We had several dinners out with them and entered into discussions on what could be done to remedy the current wild horse management issues plaguing the BLM. For the record, we submitted a proposal that would facilitate the emptying of the holding corrals in just 20 years. No, the plan does NOT include setting up a sanctuary and no, it does NOT embrace slaughter as an option. It does provide these mustangs with forever, loving homes and that is all I am going to say. I still have dreams that our proposal will grow wings some day. It is not pie in the sky. But alas, Washington moves slow and while we were waiting for them I got an invitation to train a wild mustang for the Extreme Mustang Makeover sponsored by The Mustang Heritage Foundation. The year was 2008 and the event was to take place in Fort Worth, TX. I traveled to Ewing, Illinois to pick up my assigned mustang for the event. I was one of 100 trainers selected from across the United States to participate in this event. I picked up ShoGun and our adventure is captured in the blogs on this site. Just 14 days after picking ShoGun up as a wild horse from the Ewing facility Kirk and I loaded ShoGun onto the trailer to head for the Equine Extravaganza in NC. On our way back from that event we stopped in Washington DC for another meeting with Don Glenn and Henry Bisson to further discuss our proposal. After our meeting Don Glenn came down to see ShoGun who was standing quietly in the trailer…a minor miracle that we were able to get the horse trailer into Washington DC! I took ShoGun off the trailer and he and Don Glenn had a great time grooming one another. Since ShoGun was off the trailer I decided he needed to see Washington DC. After all, these are the people responsible for his care and his ancestors care as a wild horse. We saw the Washington Monument, the US mint, the park, the streets of Washington DC and even the White House and yes, the cops too. They surrounded us as we made our way toward the White House lawn. I thought that ShoGun should eat the green grass of the very home responsible for his care. The cops could not do anything to me though because as it was pointed out…ShoGun was government property and I as his caretaker had immunity from any arrest. ShoGun virtually had diplomatic immunity thanks to the freezebrand clearly visible on his neck and I had a good time teasing the cops that instead of bikes they should picket for the opportunity to ride a different government resource. Say, perhaps a wild mustang?! After that we traveled back through the park and gave a couple of educational talks to vistors and tourists who were very curious about the beautiful horse I had with me. We told them about the plight of the wild mustand and also about the efforts being made by The Mustang Heritage Foundation. ShoGun and I with Kirk following made our way to the Department of the Interior. This is the organization responsible for the care of the wild mustang. And then ShoGun and I climbed the steps to the Department of the Interior. That video footage is what is included in Mara LeGrand’s film which is currently making its way thorugh film festivals. She included the material in her solutions for wild horse management. I am honored and excited. I haven’t seen the film but I definitely will!

March 19th, 2011 Crayons of creativity

Yesterday’s blog entry really got a lot of attention! I write often for the therapeutic value of doing such and because my horoscope told me I had to write down my fears in order to understand them I did something I don’t normally do. I posted my inner thoughts. Normally I wrestle with those on my own. Turns out, that means something to people I care deeply about! I especially enjoyed reading some of the ribs I got. Like Ron’s…who is lo longer a friend of mine after his crayon comment. Just kidding Ron! You know I love you man. And he’s not kidding when he says life can really kick your ass. This man is MY INSPIRATION! Thank you everyone for your support and for your They really stoke my fire! In fact this morning I sat down to blog the prologue to my post of late. I had another dream last night. Weird. I haven’t dreamed like this in 5 or 6 years and now not only am I getting these prolific dreams, they are coming to me like chapters in a book! I will blog last night’s dream next week. I am still sorting through the meaning of the last dreams. Cool stuff! Thank you Universe! It was very interesting just like the other two, so it appears this writing stuff down is working! Tonight is a full moon and one that is rare. The moon tonight will be 15% larger than usual. With the recent earthquakes and tsunamis there is talk that this full moon could trigger other earth shaking events. I hope not. In considering all that I am thankful for I am certainly thankful that I reside in a place where these are not likely. My heart goes out to all of the people who are in this tragedy and with the death of my Mom still raw within me, I definitely understand the grief and devastation these people must be experiencing. Thanks everyone for pushing me forward and for letting me know your love, concern and care! Love to all!
For the heck of it….here are some of the words back on the blog. I know, I know, I know….no way to comment on the blog site itself. That’s deliberate. When debating horse training invariably I see idiots who have to be cruel, run their mouth or just plain talk about stuff they don’t know anything about. So I reserve suffering the blog with these incidents. But your feedback is invaluable and I love to hear it, good or bad. After all, even the negative stuff can kick you in the butt…like I am genuinely considering using crayons to write. LOL!

Dear Karina,

As I read your new blog tears are rolling down my face as I conclude you are on your correct and true path now. I have every belief in you and in whatyou are doing. I’ve never been one for long drawn out letters or e-mails and expressing myself has never been one of my fortes, but please believe me
when I say that you have struck me to my soul and I can’t wait for you to “make it big”.

Love,
Rita

Hey Karina!!!!!!!!

Good to see you back. Life can REALLY bust your ass if you let it. I have
been so worried about You & Kirk. I’m sorry that you had to sell Gun but
like you said, he has gone to a good home & you still have visitation. Your
last blog was VERY GOOD!!!!!!!! I glad to hear that the fire in your belly
has turned back to a full flame again.

Sounds like a really cool old guy you met with the horses & mules. I still
agree with you 1000% about working WITH a horse and not forcing them to
work for you. People at the barn still think I’m crazy because I won’t lunge
Moxie before I ride her. Don’t need to, she will never intentionally hurt
me, either will Gus. I hear from everyone that “ALL MUSTANGS WILL BLOW & TRY
TO HURT / KILL YOU”. BULLSHIT, he loves me, trust me completely and trots up
to the fence with Moxie every day I go to do chores. Every time she gives me
a kiss or lays her neck on my shoulder for a hug I can’t help but think of
you & Kirk. I miss you guys WICKED!

How’s your GrandPa doing? Do you think you will be staying in Idaho or at
some point move back to Colorado? Sounds like you are really getting those
creative juices flowing. Rewriting and writing new books, you must be going
through boxes & boxes of crayons. What’s your favorite color?

Not much happening here but snow, wind & ice. The kids are all doing great.
It was 50 yesterday, I did chores in shorts & a tee shirt. The kids were all
standing in the middle of the pasture napping and sucking up the sunshine.
Last week I was having a semi-shitty day. I went to see Moxie and told her I
needed a hug. She put her neck on my shoulder then leaned into me. I leaned
into her, we balanced off each others weight and just stood there for what
seemed like an hour but was just a few minutes I’m sure. I felt 100% better
right after. She is just so cool. Yesterday when I went into the pasture she
walked up, we scratched all the good spots and as I started to scratch
behind her ears, she put her head down and started grooming my legs. I
laughed so hard I thought I was going to fall on my ass. I’m just part of
the herd I guess, which is a very honorable position as far as I’m
concerned.

Well, that’s enough blabbering for one day,(now you know why you left).

I love You Both, Take Care & God Bless,
Ron
I love your blog, have read all your entries and am enlightened every single time I go there! It doesn’t let me write a comment though. Darlene
I just got done reading your blog, wonderful! Take down PP and CA! Please! I’ve been working with Mark Rashid when he comes to NH, he’s so much more like you in what he does with the horses. So sorry to hear about your Mom, but glad you got to spend time with her before she left. I lost my Dad and it takes so much out of you, but WE know that they aren’t really gone at all right?! I’ve always thought you would make it big, the things you do with horses are just so right on the money. Watching you work with them and explaining the who, what, where, how and why changed me in so many ways. Good luck, we Mainers all miss you and Kirk!
– Pam
Your blogs are great. What an amazing writer you are !!!!! – Floren

March 18th, 2011 Dreams = Focus + Sincere Inner Revelation

This month my horoscope told me that I would be tapping into my creative juices. It also said that in my recent “house of endings” that I would not be able to go back to comfort zones in my life. As a Taurus this is earth shaking news. We Taurus individuals like our ritualistic comforts (although I am an exception due to my overpowering aquarian tendencies – thanks to my unique star alignment and sun rising on my birthday) and we tend to be very creative. Well, losing my Mom certainly was an ending. No doubt about that. An ending that has totally upended my life and yep, you guessed it, not allowed me to return to my comfort zones. But I am trying to cope. I found out yesterday that I scored off the charts on my self-efficacy test. A chance meeting with Dr. Michael Everett of Everett Decision Systems (www.everettdecisions.com) at the local coffee shop in Grangeville, Idaho brought about our lively discussion on self reliance and success and my subsequent testing to see what areas I need to work on to achieve greater success. Self-efficacy is a complicated field that deals with ones growth areas and happens to be Dr. Everett’s specialty. His passion is working with organizations and identifying problem areas that allow employers and employees to work on these areas for maximum efficiency. Learning how I am doing at this time in my life was assuring and rewarding. Then last night I had two very disturbing dreams. This was interesting in itself because my horoscope also said that I needed to sit down and write out the fears that were holding me back from success and that by doing so I would be able to put these fears to rest for long term success. My horoscope also told me that my dreams would be pivotal for this process.
I have to admit. I dream vividly and often these dreams become deja vu. But for the past several years my dream life has been non-existant. I’ve missed these cosmic glimpses from the Universe. It has bugged me deeply that I have been without this compass. I don’t know why my dream life stopped so abrubptly except that this interruption mirrors the fact that for the past six or seven years I have been completely exhausted most nights when I go to sleep. A combination of the hard physical labor we expend on a daily basis and the process of rebuilding businesses that have been interrupted more times than I can count by circumstances we haven’t been able to control.
My horoscope also predicted some of these things too. A roller coaster I think is what it said several years ago.
Then last night these awful dreams hit and I woke up I was very aware that suddenly my dream life is back in working order again. With the advent of these dreams I wasn’t sure if I should be happy about this or be devastated. The dreams were that bad and they were connected.
In my first dream Kirk and I were running a very successful business. Horses were the center of this.
Kirk was acting very stressed and he was also ignoring some of my cautions. I was on a four wheeler trying to feed and people were crowding about. We were responsible for their safety and concern. I was telling Kirk we needed to work on our organization and he was focused on the finances. In my dream I had the premonition that something terrible was going to happen and I needed Kirk to listen to me but he wasn’t. In my dream I watched as someone’s little boy was romping around the farm and as if my mind brought everything into sharp up close focus I watched and he tripped and fell on a piece of wood that had multiple sharp nails sticking up. It had been left by a construction project Kirk was overseeing and had not been picked up. I gasped because I saw the child fall and the nails pierce his chest. They were long enough that they exited out his back. I ran to pick up the little boy and shouted at Kirk that we needed to get the boy to the emergency room but both he and his parents were ignoring me. They said he would be fine and that I was overreacting but I knew that I wasn’t. I embraced the little boy who at first seemed to be fine but logically I knew in my mind that he wasn’t. I knew he was in shock. I picked him up and laid him sideways across my hip and blood and fluid ran from his mouth and I screamed for Kirk to help me get him to the Hospital.
We did and then we waited. Kirk was impatient and wanted to get back to the farm from the Hospital and this irritated me. I felt indebted to the family and the little boy. In my heart I knew that Kirk was concerned too but he was more focused on the financial success of the farm.
The parents of the boy had not been concerned at first but the concern grew and as we waited in my dream it was clear we would not know immediately if the boy would live or not and Kirk and I returned to the farm. In my dream my heart was very heavy and sad.
After we returned to the ranch I returned to check on a couple of the projects we had in the works.
I had just sold my beloved horse ShoGun to a man I believed would love and care for him as I have. Collectively, we entrusted his further training in a man I trusted would be good to him too.
As I came over the peak of a hill on the farm I looked down to see a mob of people watching what looked to be a training demonstration.
ShoGun was the subject and he was being whipped and chased by one man on a big paint horse and frightened by another on the ground that I assumed was my trusted trainer friend.
ShoGun was wearing ½ a bridle and I quickly understood that he had broken from being tied and was now being reprimanded in a very abrupt way.
My heart broke watching this unfold and I pushed through the mass of people to make my way to him, furious and upset.
The environment had pipe corrals and panels that I had to weave through to get to him and he was running from the man on the horse who was whipping him and chasing him.
ShoGun was terrified in my dream and upset. He didn’t understand what he had done wrong and nothing he tried to do was good enough for the man on the horse and the man on the ground who was following the whole process and driving ShoGun too.
ShoGun had no place to go and he tried to exit the corral but couldn’t. He ran down an alley and could not get away from the blows of the men.
I rounded the corner of the alley just as he had broken free of them.
He ran toward me and then slowed, eyeing me to see what way he needed to go to get around me.  He stood staring at me visibily upset and deeply shaken.
I spoke to him and he began trembling as he recognized me. He snorted and then began to shiver.
He knew my voice but he was still terrified that he was in trouble and I spoke to him again softly, letting him know I didn’t mean any harm to him.
He turned his head and looked at me the way a traumatized horse looks at a person when they have broken their trust and I was sick to my stomach. Sick to my core.  Then he looked behind him to see if the men were still chasing him.  Then he looked back to me and started to walk toward me, hestitantly.  This horse is always happy to see me and I love it that he wants to be with me.  ShoGun has never been mistreated and the fact that I had sold him and then found out my choice had subjected him to abuse was more than I could bear.
I set my jaw and let ShoGun know that I would revoke the sale. He was still my horse. I would not allow any more harm to come to him.  I knew this meant I was going to have to confront the trainer and the man on the paint horse and also, that the crowd was filled with people enjoying this display I had interrupted.  That bothered me deeply.
ShoGun walked up to me then and put his head over my shoulder and pushed down, hugging me in the way we have shown each other affection.
I wept and rubbed his neck and held him.  We were in the middle of this huge crowd but in that moment it was as if everyone evaporated even though I knew they were still there and watching.  Some were upset I had interrupted the training demonstration.  In fact, most were.  There were only a couple of people who felt as I had.  That ShoGun was being treated unfairly.
The man on the paint horse appeared then and I turned, walking away with ShoGun walking with me. He was stuck fast to me and I didn’t even need a halter with him.  We were bonded deeply.  Connected by an otherworldly understanding of one another.  I knew he was staying with me even though the man on the paint horse was indicating he was going to push ShoGun some more. He was angry and his adrenalin was running.
It was clear that ShoGun had done something that this man wanted to correct, felt he needed to correct at any cost. He wasn’t letting up.  I was in his way but he knew I had owned ShoGun and that he did not have the authority to get past me.  I owned ShoGun and the ranch he was on.
“You’re through working with this horse.” I said.
The man looked at me and then made half an attempt to proceed forward and once again I said, “No. You are not going to touch this horse. This is my horse and I won’t let you hurt him any more.”
The man looked at me shocked but stood down.
He rode behind as I walked with ShoGun back toward the corrals.
I turned and told him, “You lost your cool with this horse. You’ve gone way overboard. This horse doesn’t deserve what you just did to him. You got your adrenaline running and somebody needed to shut you down.”  I said it matter of factly, with authority.  Without anger.  Matter of factly.
He looked at me and then fell back behind us and out of my dream.
I led ShoGun through a series of obstacles at this time, through several corrals, buildings, small spaces and then into an area where we almost got stuck.  I had to back ShoGun out.  Through all of this the movements required ShoGun’s absolute trust in me and he never faltered once.
Don’t ask me where these come from but dreams give us all manner of things even if they don’t make complete sense.  Just a moment before we were interacting in a corraled area and now we had all of this other stuff in there.  God Bless dreams.  They can conjure anything. 
In the midst of this, I was doing so with ShoGun in front of a huge crowd of people who had witnessed this entire exchange.
On the top of a fence sat several young girls.
The looks on their faces were horrified. They had seen what had happened and they were upset.
“Is he OK?” one young blonde girl asked.
“He is now.” I said resolutely.
ShoGun and I continued on together. We were one and we had fallen back into that routine with each other easily. I felt elated, exhilarated.
I continued working with him through these obstacles intent on dealing with the man who I had thought was my trusted training friend. I was most angry with him for allowing ShoGun to be mistreated.
He appeared in my dream and had some excuse for what happened and tried to explain what I hadn’t seen and why they had treated ShoGun this way.
“We were just sacking him out and he needed to yield to us.” He said.
“I will deal with you later.” I said.  I dismissed him quickly but he knew that hell was coming.
I wanted to get ShoGun to a safe place and then tell his new owner that ShoGun wasn’t going anywhere. I was revoking the sale. Every fiber of my being knew I was doing the right thing and that even though Kirk would be upset about the loss of the sale that he would back me. He wouldn’t have approved of the treatment ShoGun was getting either. This I was sure of.
I woke up then. I was sweating and my emotions laid in the moisture I had all over my body. It took me a few minutes to gather myself together. It was a very unpleasant feeling I had. I took a couple of deep breaths and began to go back over the dream.
Then it hit me that both of these dreams held keys to addressing my fears. My horoscope was right. I vowed to write them down so I could sift through the meaning I am supposed to get from this. You see, my horoscope and three astrologers have all predicted my mega-success.  It’s coming in the next 3-5 years.  The getting there is up to me. To do so, I must do the right thing here. I must look for the deeper meaning in these disturbing revelations. To do that I know to root myself in logic and reality.
First, Kirk is not selfish or incapable of hearing my concerns so let me get that straight. That I knew the minute I came into consciousness. He is the best thing that has ever happened to me. Hands down. I knew I had to sift the fantasy from reality because the character in my dream simply isn’t the real Kirk I know. So many times with disturbing dreams we are inclined to adopt that as our perception and reality. That’s another scary topic for another blog.
Secondly, he is one of the most thorough business managers I know so an accident such as what happened with the little boy would never happen and if it did he would be the first to react with logical speed and utmost concern.
Third, the trainer I trust is just that. Trustworthy. He’s proven himself.
Fourth, the person who purchased ShoGun is too. I don’t know him well but anyone who emails you after the purchase to make sure you know you are welcome to come and visit and ride with him and the horse you love is top knotch.
I trust my intuition and I trust Kirk’s and while we have just completed the sale of ShoGun, I am going for unraveling the truths in these dreams, not confiding in my insecurities that are manifested here.
These observations will come in a later blog. This is going to take a bit of time for me to unravel but I admit that since I am past the emotion I felt just after waking up, I am excited to begin this process!

March 14th, 2011 The WOW Factor

I loved growing up in the West and being here in Idaho I remember why. The scenery is terrific and so are the people. This past couple of weeks I’ve begun to spread my wings a bit. I am socially oriented to a certain extent even though I covet my private time to help my creative juices flow.
In the WEST, people are still connected with their agricultural roots. In the isolated part of Idaho I am in people still make Sunday visits to one another’s houses and readily admit they have access to Internet but have no idea how to use it. I love it. Cell phones are used but only when you are in certain locations so messages in the newspaper are still a common way for people to thank one another for kindnesses shown. Its very refreshing.
This past week I’ve made friends with some new farrier clients and we have had some lively conversations about the concept of the “natural” horse. Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday and Friday I made special trips out to trim a young arabian gelding who has unwittingly been Parelli’d. Not by the owner but by the trainer she trusted. It isn’t the trainers fault. She trusted the information in the tapes, videos and crap that she bought that the formula A + B should equal well trained horse. Instead, she (the trainer) should get a refund on those guarantees. that way she can afford to give the client a refund who got a horse back that up until a couple of days ago couldn’t figure out why her formerly “calm” horse is now super amped up and ready to run over the top of her or anyone else she has handle him…Can anyone sense a rant coming?
I can’t stand it anymore and it seems that my calling more and more is to get the word out! That horses are lovely sensitive creatures who respond to a soft touch and understanding, not formulas, recipes and drills.
This little horse, like so many we have come to know was scared to death to let me into his space…or rather interpreting my approach into his space as the “I should move sideways now, quickly!” And then with more defensive posture as he escalated…and as an after thought “I will push into her with my shoulder, neck rigid just to make sure we understand one another that I will move but would love to have a different understanding that does not include conditioned anxiety!”

It was fun to watch this little horse as we took a walk.  He continually checked in with his herd.  I let him and then asked him for a bit of trust as we pushed past his comfort zone exiting the safety of his herd.  He complied and then as we returned to his herd he heaved a huge sigh.  Finally, someone who understood how much he needs them!

You see, when you take a horse out of its herd, especially one that is sincerely omega and then start to drill, drill, drill…they effectively determine that you don’t respect their need for the herd, they don’t enjoy the time with you and finally, they really get anxious about leaving the herd to enter your world.

After taking a walk with this young horse and teaching him that hand up does not mean circle as fast as you can…and finally, definitely, never circle OVER the top of me, and letting him de-escalate I simply asked him to stand.  He didn’t know what this meant but I patiently waited while he worked himself through a complete circle game.  When he figured out I was waiting for him and that it really was OK for him to just stand there, he heaved a huge sight and plainly said, “THAT was all you wanted?”.  I reassured him that yes, standing still without anxiety was all I wanted.  He gave me his foot in response and then went to licking and chewing.  Poor horse.  Another horse unwittingly shut down…or almost.  After 3 days he was following us all over the pasture eager to give us his hooves or any other body part for the simple pleasure that it feels good to be part of a loving herd.

 Enter next client…we visited and worked on his horses and mules.  Then later after I was introduced to his other stock, he asked me, “You know that guy…uh…Parelli?” He could barely say the name and I liked him immediately because I knew even before he finished the question that he was going to query my position on Parelli, Anderson and some of the other clinians.  Its a common thread these days.  I work horses, training or farrier, it doesn’t matter and the discussion of philosophy begins.  Whose camp (?) or philosophy amy I in?  My intuitive bone was humming. This guy is quite the character. Mules and horses are everywhere and not one of them is shut down. This is an immediate clue when I work with people.  If they have practiced the preaching of say, Parelli, or Anderson, their horses are often antsy, unfocused and dumbed down.  This mans equines greeted him at the gate and several pawed to get his attention, eager to work with him.  Happy to be equines.  He isn’t the type of person who claims to know horses and mules. Rather, he tells me, “I just like messing with them to see what makes them click. You got any tricks you use to make em friendly?”  I liked that question.  Horses and mules should want to be with us, not eyeball us with concern.
He had bought 6 youngsters right out of the desert and has plans to use them packing in the mountains.
And that’s my type of ballsy move!  6 baby mules with no former training…and a goal to ride the wilds of Idaho!
We visited for some time and each and every one of his youngsters approached and snuffled us. It was like being right at home. Then he told me this story. His daughter in law was a Parelli guru he said. Took a perfectly good horse and screwed him up so bad the horse was plum dangerous. He noted that the horse seemed to take subtle cues that he should dart one way, then the other and one time, on a trail ride the horse had jumped lickety split up onto stump without warning. If you know Idaho Salmon River country you will know why this is nothing short of suicide. NO JOKE! The horse rodeod every time he was ridden…and it got so everyone liked to see someone try to ride him just for the entertainment. Then came the day when the horse reared straight up, flipped over backwards and killed a man. The man was a very good friend of this man and they had ridden a lot together. The man I was visiting with said that the actual event didn’t outright kill him but led up to his death a couple of months later, no doubt from the serious injuries he suffered. This man said that in 60+ years of playing with horses he decided that this conditioned crap “they all” sell on TV is for the undereducated and unenlightened. His words, not mine. And I didn’t prompt the conversation in the first place. Kirk and I often get questions about our philosophies when we work with the critters. As farriers or as trainers, we don’t run the horse in circles, reprimand, move the feet, hindquarters or anything else like that…and the difference shows. Horses relax. They quickly work with us without anxiety and we don’t excite anxiety in them. Used to be, that’s how everyone I knew handled a horse. Now, if you don’t have a rope halter, stick and attituded you are the horse master it appears odd to people. HUH? I don’t get it but I do get that I have a mission and I am on it 100%! I can’t wait to write more folks. A new paradigm with horses is about to be ushered in!

March 11th, 2011 AAA -Admission, Acknowledge, Accept

Ok, that’s borrowed from someone I just met. A brilliant and passionate PHD in psychology, Michael Everette of Everett Decision Systems. We had a conversation just yesterday that allowed me to log onto my blog and post again. Every time I log in I see the post I made, “I WANT MY MOMMA!” and the feelings of loss, grief and sadness would come flooding over me, forcing me to log off to regain my composure and assume some semblance of normalcy. That’s been tough lately. Losing my Mom has been the single hardest thing I’ve ever endured. Let’s face it, I’ve been shot, left to die, banged up by countless horses, through more shit than can be collected in a barnyard the size of New York and survived a cancer scare.
OK…so that’s pretty dramatic right? Not compared to some of the stories I’ve heard. I have always felt that while I’ve been handed some pretty challenging moments in my life that there is always reason to rejoice. Look around. Someone somewhere always has it worse. But losing my Mom I’ve had a hard time hanging on to a positive frame of mind.
So when I had this conversation yesterday I realized that I needed to get back in the saddle on this one. I’ve been bucked off. Life bucks hard. Luckily my Taurus personality is stubborn..and tenacious. I will get back on and I will keep getting back on. I admit that I am still struggling with losing my Mom and the sudden changes of circumstances in my life that have taken me out of my normal routines and acknowledge that I currently struggle with some of the aspects of my current status in life. But I accept that life throws us curves that also lead us to different perspectives and opportunities. While I am still struggling to figure out what these are I still cling to my deeply rooted values and belief system.
For instance, I am renewed to continue writing about my views and opinions regarding traditionally held new beliefs.
uh….did I just write…traditional and new in the same sentence intentionally? Yes, I did. Because coming soon I will write about the myth of “Natural Horsemanship” and why the philosophy is flawed. I will also be writing more about the benefits of energy, universe, touch and the magnitude of what we don’t even realize is surrounding us in this world. If anyone has a perspective on that right now, its me. Seeing my Mom die and being there for the event and actually experiencing the intuitive warnings I had before this profound event has sharpened my perspective and intuition. I am being flooded by realizations and I have to get them out.
I am currently finishing my book…it’s in it’s 5th edit…and this time, I am getting it right. It will be available by e-book and in published paperback format. It’s coming folks!
As quick as that is done I’ve fleshed out the outlines for my next couple of books. Yes, I have many inside me waiting to be written…and the time for that will take some amount of importance in my life now. Although I admit that I can’t divorce myself completely from working horses. Just this morning I went and worked with a young arabian gelding whose owners are just fantastic. They unwittingly took this gelding to a Parelli based trainer. Guess what? The horse came back lacking the ability to just friggin stand still while in the company of a human. I know…blame the trainer, right? No, blame the philosophers who are selling this bullshit snakeoil!
After 4 trim sessions the youngster is finally able to breath normally and actually LIKES to stand still while I am working on his hooves. But I digress…more on that later…the views and stories are all going in my book that is going to bring the NH world to its knees and create a sweeping paradigm shift on the way people think and interact with their horses.
My hope was renewed regarding this project as I traveled back to Denver briefly to wrap up my affairs there before returning to Idaho. One of my greatest heartaches about the changes my Mom’s passing brought was my absence working with several tightly strung mustangs and their owners. The owners rescued these two girls and have spent 5 years trying to unravel their horses issues. We made great progress but with me having to move I felt like a mother abadoning her children. Normal people/trainers won’t work the type of horses I live, eat, breathe and sleep. Where do people with horribly traumatized horses turn? As I was stressing over how to solve this problem the Universe worked its magic and listening to my intuition I called on a man I just met but had a hunch about. I watched him with his dogs and…well….he took me back to my days on the ranch with my uncle and cousins…and that doesn’t happen very easily with me. Those people are Gods in my world. Truly magicians with horses. Artists. Their work done so easily because they aren’t blowing smoke…its their passion and life. I admire this dedication and the work it takes to master harmony with natural and animal. I called this man and he accepted my invitation to work with me and the mustang girls and their owners…and didn’t disappoint. I was honored that while I must be absent that I can at least be absent knowing my clients and their girls will be in good hands. And honored that I can be in the company of someone I can admire, trust and refer. It’s awesome. The level of horsemanship I seek, expect and practice sets a high bar. I am not being arrogant. I grew up around it. I know it exists outside of myself. But when I needed security the most over my worry of who would take my place the Universe already had built its answer. I will bring more about this later and introduce you to this individual when the time is right. For now, I am back. At least in voice…and that will lead to more. The projects I’ve wanted to accomplish for so long and the change that will be as a result. It’s going to be a great year.